A War of Emotions

We had a review hearing for B today. We found out when we got there that Judge Keller signed the documents to terminate parental rights. Bio mom took it very hard. Then we had B’s last visit. I had to turn away when they said their last goodbyes.

I have come to love and care about this woman. She gave birth to the daughter we love more than any other little girl in the world. She sobbed deep, heart-wrenching questions in my arms tonight. She is hurting deeply. She is grieving. She is in pain.

I rejoice, yet I grieve with her. I am so grateful, yet my heart broke in two. I got a goodnight kiss from her little girl, yet she goes to bed in an empty house. Two little brown arms wrapped around my neck tonight and my arms hugged back, yet her arms are empty. I have a mom who loved me enough to discipline me, make me responsible for my own actions, and who was present in my life. She has a mother who urges her to blame someone else for her problems and exemplified a life of emptiness and sin. I have a husband who loves God, me, and our children unselfishly. Maybe she has never experienced true, unselfish love.

Life isn’t fair. We live in a cruel, sin-cursed world. But I can rest in this…we serve a good God. He is even now drawing the birth mother of our little princess toward Himself. I pray she listens to His voice. I rejoice that He still offers grace and peace. I am thankful we are on this journey with Him. My heart is full.

 

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Still thankful

This post is a reminder for me on a day that isn’t going very well. I don’t really feel good. The children have been naughty? Oh.My.Word. They have been into everything they shouldn’t be and have played very little with the toys scattered from one end of the house to the other! B, who has been doing very well with potty stuff, peed on the family room floor. I have lost my patience and temper more times than I care to admit. So, I need a little lecture………………….

January was a long month. Normally I don’t really feel that way…time goes so fast. But we all took turns with the stomach flu (Sheldon and I both had it the same day), the children have had perpetual colds, Ryan has slept fitfully the last two nights, I’m tired, I’ve had a cough for almost a month that I can’t seem to shake, the doctor can’t get me in today, because of a new computer program they couldn’t even tell me if I can go in tomorrow, I’m going in to QuickCare this afternoon, I think I have bronchitis, but you know what…I will choose thankfulness!

I have the most incredible Daddy in the universe who loves me and gave His only Son for me. I have a husband who helps with a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g around the house (trust me I mean that!) and loves me even when I’m crabby. I have three beautiful children who, even when they’re sneezing and dripping and puking, are still my favorite little people to be around EVER. I have a place to go to the doctor. I have a doctor for our children if I need it. Medicine is available. I can pick up God’s Word for encouragement anytime without fear. I have two supportive families. My trip to QuickCare will be a break. 🙂 There’s money in the bank. There’s food in my freezers, pantry, basement, and fridge. My cleaning got finished last week. 🙂 My children are all napping at the same time. Termination of parental rights is scheduled for B next week. Ahhh, I feel so much better counting my blessings!

Life is good. God is good. But I’m still praying February is a healthier month.