A War of Emotions

We had a review hearing for B today. We found out when we got there that Judge Keller signed the documents to terminate parental rights. Bio mom took it very hard. Then we had B’s last visit. I had to turn away when they said their last goodbyes.

I have come to love and care about this woman. She gave birth to the daughter we love more than any other little girl in the world. She sobbed deep, heart-wrenching questions in my arms tonight. She is hurting deeply. She is grieving. She is in pain.

I rejoice, yet I grieve with her. I am so grateful, yet my heart broke in two. I got a goodnight kiss from her little girl, yet she goes to bed in an empty house. Two little brown arms wrapped around my neck tonight and my arms hugged back, yet her arms are empty. I have a mom who loved me enough to discipline me, make me responsible for my own actions, and who was present in my life. She has a mother who urges her to blame someone else for her problems and exemplified a life of emptiness and sin. I have a husband who loves God, me, and our children unselfishly. Maybe she has never experienced true, unselfish love.

Life isn’t fair. We live in a cruel, sin-cursed world. But I can rest in this…we serve a good God. He is even now drawing the birth mother of our little princess toward Himself. I pray she listens to His voice. I rejoice that He still offers grace and peace. I am thankful we are on this journey with Him. My heart is full.


5 thoughts on “A War of Emotions

  1. That was so beautiful & so true. Bless you for sharing that moment with so many others. It’s too easy to view our children’s biological parents badly, feeling victorious when the court terminates their rights.

  2. I always found termination quite bitter-sweet. Our friends were rejoicing for us and we were happy to make them ours officially and yet I was saddened at the official end of hope for the birthmother. But birthmom had always walked away by this point so I never experienced it as you have with her….

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