My heart was so heavy this morning as I thought about all the pain going on around me right now. None of these situations am I personally involved in, but I have experienced loss and grief and hope mingled with brokenness…
…A young mother (my mom) asked to give up her husband and raise four daughters without him.
…Two little boys battling cancer when no child should ever have to think about blood counts, chemo and brain tumors.
…A young man also fighting cancer instead of dreaming of graduation, a possible career and family.
…A class of seniors who have worked hard to make a trip to Grenada happen, the life of a classmate lost in a drowning accident when they should be making fun memories.
…A mother who will be required to give up her baby because of choices she has made. How is that I was born to a Mom who loved me and showed me how to live Godly by example, but this woman was not?
…Girls kidnapped because they want an education, abused children, wives betrayed by ungodly husbands, unwanted babies murdered before they take their first breaths while other mothers mourn their miscarried or stillborn child, mothers and fathers who pray for a wayward child but see no results…
I was questioning and praying and turned on the CD player. And this is the song I heard…
Great Physician, why the sickness? Loving Father, why the orphan? Lifegiver, can’t you see the barren womb? Good Shepherd, where’s the lost sheep? Provider, why the hungry? It seems there’s so much You could do.
But it’s enough for me to know that it’s under your control Though your higher ways I don’t understand. I’m trusting not in what I see. By faith I believe. It’s enough for me to know that You can.
God forbid my selfish questions. Please forgive my desperation. It’s not for me to know how and when. Your miracles are more than fables. I believe You’re still able! And it’s enough just to know that you can.
It’s enough for me to know that it’s under your control Though your higher ways I don’t understand. I’m trusting not in what I see. By faith I believe. It’s enough for me to know that You can. Song by Daryl Petersheim, sung by Garment of Praise
And when my children found me in a heap of weepiness on the kitchen floor I tried to explain that I’m homesick for Heaven, and tired of all the hurting and dying and crying. My precious children gathered around me, gave me hugs, Rylan prayed for me, and I felt loved and blessed. Then wise-beyond-her-years Bella asked if she should pray for the boy that drowned. I told her she could pray for his family and friends, but he didn’t need to be prayed for anymore because he was in Heaven. She gave me a “duh, Mom!” look and proceeded to pour out her little heart to her Daddy. “…And Jesus, I know they’re probably crying right now. But help them not to be sad because the boy isn’t sad anymore because he’s in Heaven!” I cried some more tears, but these were bittersweet.
So I’ll continue to live and love and laugh. And I’ll still be homesick for Heaven!